Gal, Stal and Wilde

“I just wanted some attention.” – Galileo

“This doesn’t leave the office, but I’m thinking of getting a puppy.”- Josef Stalin

“I prefer handsome men.” – Oscar Wilde, moments before masturbation.

Adam and Eve Push Columbus Out and Let Crusoe In

“Are you ticklish here?” – Adam to Eve

“That dirty son of a bitch knows damn well what time it is.” - Crusoe

“OUT!” – Columbus.

Pollock Talks Crusoe Into God

“ACHOOOOOOOOO! ... Aw, Dammit! …wait.” - Jackson Pollock

“I call it slow dancing.” – Robinson Crusoe to Friday.

“Because I want the world to know the score. Me: 1, You: 0.” - God to Noah.

Crusoe Dreams About Cows While Armstrong Watches From Above

“KEEP.THE.DOOR.CLOSED!” - A frustrated Neil Armstrong to a well meaning Buzz Aldrin.


“I’ll kill you.” – One out of every twenty thousand Cows.


“Now, dunk the cookie in the milk.” – Robinson Crusoe to Friday.

Nostradamus Didn't Predict Curie and Warhol

“Everyone is going to want one just like it.” – Nostradamus on his new robe.


“Hey! You can chew it too!” – Marie Curie on early uses for Radium.


“It needs more… soup.” - Andy Warhol on his bowl.

Hemingway and His Bull Ignore JFK's Advances

“You! I saw you speaking to the bull and now he won’t fight, what did you say to him?” – Juan Belmonte to Ernest Hemingway.


“Fitzgerald's got a bigger one than you.” – Ernest Hemingway to a bull already pushed too close to the edge.


“How ‘bout this Christmas I cum on your tits.” – Standard JFK Christmas card.

Jurassic Shakespeare

“We win, earth” - Dinosaurs.

“Finish them!” - Earth to Meteors.

“And they all die in the end.” – Overheard by a desperate and deadline suffering William Shakespeare.

Earhart and Einstein Get Their soup Cooled By Jesus

“I’ll wing it.” – Amelia Earhart

“Aha! blow on the soup!” – Albert Einstein on his theory for super cooling soups that are too hot.

“I’m kinda’ seeing someone.” - Jesus Christ to Mary Magdalene.