Why I Hate Late Medieval Russia, Tony Curtis And Susan B. Anthony

“If I told you – you had a beautiful body would you let me try on that chiffon dress.” – Tony Curtis

“Stick and stones may break my bones but at least I’m not one of your whores.” – Susan B. Anthony

“Where did I put those pikes? This happens every time I have fresh severed heads.” – Ivan The Terrible (if not somewhat forgetful)

A Queen, A General and A Stereotype Made Delicious

“Today is the day we beat back the Spanish and crush them beneath our steel – The kissing contest has been moved to Tuesday.” – Queen Elizabeth I of England

“I’m drunk… are you drunk? Good – CHARGE!” – George Armstrong Custer

“Raccoon, ancient spells... some basil.” – Chef Boyardee, Last Words.

Muppets, Fried Chicken And Infectious Enlightenment

“Fire… only fire can kill them.” – Jim Henson, last words.

“I was near death, with doctors saying that I wouldn’t make it through the month – and then I thought, ‘Hey, why don’t I sell my fried chicken instead of just eating it all to myself.” – Colonel Sanders

“If I wasn’t reaching enlightenment I’d be reaching for some dice, three fingers of scotch and your skirt.” – Dalai Lama

Jerry Garcia, King Louis And A Stone Cold Prick

“Barbeque chips and semen - God how I loved the summer of 67” – Jerry Garcia

“I’ve always liked the way it looks especially when its wet.” – Michelangelo

“I think the world can all agree on how great my wife’s cake tastes – What’s all that noise outside?” – King Louis XVI

Motorhead, Kites And Foreign Jello

“The wind is too strong to fly a kite today.” – Surgeon General C. Everett Koop

“It would be easier to share jello recipes if they all spoke english.” – Nancy Reagan, on foreign policy

“I don't care if they send me to my room, or ground me for a few weeks - Heck, they can ground me for the entire term - Motorhead is for life!” – George Bush Jr

American Heroes And Legends... Some Graphic Sex

“This pocket has apple seeds and this pocket… Cocaine and doodles of a naked Mary Todd Lincoln.” – Johnny Appleseed

“Black chicks man, black chicks.” – King Henry VIII

“The sword is sharp but the feather tickles.” – Richard Simmons

The Room Would Smell Awful

“Even If I had twenty midgets for every one of your freckles I wouldn’t trade you.” – George Bernard Shaw

“What me worry?” – Leon Trotsky

“I know a great little place where we can go philosophize for a bit... bring a blanket and some wine - and wash your hands.” - Socrates