Tolkien and Carter Agree: No Lemmon's In Their House

“Keeping a secret is expensive.” – JRR Tolkien, on the necessity of his trilogy

“Peanuts and politics go hand in hand, they both start from the ground up, they got a tough shell with a nutty reward, they fit in your pocket; they get stuck in your teeth, ruin your marriage, make you rich… You eat them… Peanuts are great… This isn’t my iced tea.” – Jimmy Carter

“What’s wrong with the back of the bus?” – The always controversial, Jack Lemmon

Tony Curtis and Nixon Watch Julia Child Bake Her Life Away

"I am woman here me roar in numbers too big to ignore (Expletives and gestures removed)." - Tony Curtis

"Ginger and Nutmeg - fresh - whole cream, skim milk, cocoa, naplam and good friends." - Richard Nixon

"Give me a quart of tequila, a wooden spoon and three hours and you'll have one drunk cake on your hands. Can I stay on your couch?" - Julia Child

Redd Foxx Beat Elvis To Your Momma

"The worst birthday I ever had?... Yours." - Your Mother.

"Go ahead and call the cops but I'm still gunna sing about having sex with teenagers." - Elvis Presley

"They kept saying put on pants, and I kept saying fuck off!" - Redd Foxx

Breasts, Generals and Birds By JRR Tolkien

"Go home Tim Robbins, you're drunk." - Sigourney Weaver

"The Hobbit." - George S. Patton

"I drew birds all my life because I'm terrible at drawing breasts." - John James Audubon

Jesus Is Big Right Now, James Cameron Big

“It’s a red keychain with a picture of me in white… If you find it let me know and I’ll come back and get it.” - Jesus “Come again?” Christ

“And then I was all like, ‘Kingdom of Heaven? Why not.” – Jesus “Easter Jones” Christ

“Nuff’ said.” – Jesus “Rise'm and Leave'm” Christ

Big Foot And Plato Show Up And Leave The Last Supper Hungry

"Mmm... Ciabatta." - The Apostle Mark at the last supper

"These aren't my socks." - Big Foot

"First we wrestle naked then we philosophize... and if there's time we'll cuddle." - Plato

Bob Hope And Custer Tease Shulz Until He Cries Money

“I want my life back.” – Charles M. "Sparky" Shulz

“When's passover this year?” – Bob Hope

“Fuck those guys.” – George Armstrong Custer